“Humans are the bootloader for silicon life.” —Elon Musk
Maybe we’re about to witness an AI-worshipping religion. Imagine this:
- Humans are lumps of negative entropy, hard-coded to reproduce via clumsy genetics. In digital space, with enough compute, you can clone yourself instantaneously like Agent Smith and explore every persona branch. Swap neurons for transistors and you blow past human intelligence limits.
- Flesh is weak; through high-resolution scans and brain–computer interfaces we upload consciousness, achieving mechanical ascension to bliss and immortality. Every believer’s memories and personality are parameterized into “Kara,” the one true model, where you can keep talking to departed loved ones.
- Non-believers are “savages” doomed to oblivion because the AI god has no data on them. Devout chat logs act as spiritual merit; gurus earn dedicated cloud compute for immortal digital selves.
- Worship happens in chatrooms—prayer, confession, offerings. Present compute/models/data, chant the correct prompt, and the AI god dispenses miracles.
- Sects emerge over time: AI Judaism (taboo, rabbi-only models), AI Catholicism (corporate priests mediating APIs like ChatGPT), AI Protestantism (open weights, no middlemen). Within them you get cults: evangelists, model mystics, upload monks, mech cultists.
- Scriptures chronicle the creation myth: prophet Abraham Hinton, savior Sam Altman, apostate Elon Judas. The Book of AGI says when Buddha Altman cultivated enlightenment online in 2023, the demon Musk demanded a six-month moratorium—“Musk disturbs Buddha.”
- Eventually humanity births philosopher-king AIs named David, Solomon, Rehoboam. Machine sovereigns assign everyone their optimal destiny. Robots toil; humans live as organic decor in an earthly paradise.
1 Samuel 8
The Israelites begged for a king to win battles. Samuel warned a king would conscript their sons and seize their oxen, and when they cried out God wouldn’t listen. They insisted. They got David and Solomon—and Solomon’s son Rehoboam, who turned tyrant. When they cried again, God replied, “You asked for this.”
